I am alive, please, inject me with morphine

ALAA HASANIN- Translated by: Ibrahim Al- sharif

 

 
I am alive
inject me with morphine.
For nineteen years
my heart has been writhing
like an epileptic.
 
I am alive
and nineteen years
are no a small thing.
 
The long days
the many people
and the names hard to remember
the things I see
jump into my eyes
 
the strange people
the people on the sidewalks
the people at the bus stops
the people I don’t know
when they stare at me
their eyes,
even when they look at something else,
stare at my face
all day long
all night long
all nineteen years long
 
the cold nights of October
the cold countries
the cold bodies
that shiver out of fear
or desire
 
the loud sound of the television
and a mother loading her gun
in the next room
a mother committing suicide
in the next room
a mother who dies every October
in the next room
 
I am alive
I am in life
and a man of forty
a slim man
a God fearing man
slides over my body
with my seven years
and my skinny fingers
while the feet of the passers by
play a light rhythm
on the sidewalks
on a clear day
 
and a man of forty
is panting over my neck
on cold tiles
 
I am alive
and a God fearing man
pants over my neck
whenever the day is clear
and a light rhythm
is on the sidewalks
 
I am alive
The days are long
my mother commits suicide every October
in the next room
and the breaths of a man of forty
are still hot
on my neck
my feet are cold
I am nineteen
and life
is like an ache in my stomach
 
 
I am alive
in my head there are cities and buses
and my body is still thrown
over cold tiles
 
I am alive
and nineteen years
areno small thing.
 
I am alive
please
please
inject me with morphine.